Written by Florence Doisneau
Do you experience much chaos around you? Are you feeling overwhelmed, frustrated or anxious? Maybe, like most people, any or all negative emotions you experience you label as stress, brush it under the carpet or use to justify your behaviors. First of all, let us take a look at a couple of definitions for the word “stress” in the Merriam Webster dictionary: “STRESS: c : a physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation. d : a state resulting from a stress; especially : one of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium: example: Job-related stress.” And now, let us take a look at some synonyms and related words of the Merriam Webster Thesaurus: Synonyms of stress: Pressure, strain, tension. Words Related to stress: load, weight, anxiety, concern, uneasiness, worry, aggravation, anger, annoyance, exasperation, irritation, persecution, trouble. All this to say that stress is multifaceted and often used interchangeably with other notions.
In order to deal efficiently with an issue it has to be identified and acknowledged. There are symptoms of stress, state of stress, feeling stressed, chronic stress and stressors. Clarifying and relating negative emotions to stress, as well as seeing the effect of those on our body and mind as for what it is, will be the first step towards making significant and necessary changes. Many articles will give you advice on how to deal with your stress and what symptoms would help you identify it but let’s make sure we are not just sticking a temporary bandage. Taking medication may support you as you address your issues but it will not solve the problems for you. Working yourself to death or losing yourself in repeated drama will only cover up deeper pain but will distract you and prevent you from healing. Stress is also a convenient excuse for certain of our abuses to others and ourselves. Ultimately, some of us sincerely want to lead better lives. There is no arrival point to this journey but there is genuine enjoyment in noticing our progress and the immense expansion of the quality of our lives.
Most of the discomfort we experience is mental. Of course, if you break your leg there is physical pain involved. What is referred to in this case is stress appearing to result from the reactions to something external. For example a demanding job, an annoying co-worker, an irritable partner, a death in the family, an important deadline, an international conflict, a crisis of faith, a loss, money problems, health issues, moving away, preparing a wedding, giving a speech, or worrying about your kids. The list could go on ad libitum. The point is that events, circumstances and behaviors of others happen outside of us and we experience a variety of physical sensations and emotions. Note also that not all of the elements of the list are “negative” for happy events also are a source of stress.
A Buddhist quote says: “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”. Suffering could just as well be replaced by stress. An event occurs and brings along grief, yet the way we process it will allows us to heal more or less quickly. In a series of short videos taken from “The Logic of the Soul” available at www.innateevoltion.com, Rudi Kennard explains that experience comes via thoughts in the moment whether we are faced with a big or a small event. What that means is that faced with the exact same event two individuals will have a different read on the situation. We add meaning to all the events of our lives and that added meaning can be the source of much suffering and stress. Also, an individual may feel a completely different way towards the same object based on the experience of the moment and the feelings are generated by the thoughts in that instant.
As much as we can affect the quality of our existence by managing some aspects of our daily lives and environment, the true place for major change is our mind. Managing ourselves in the face of adversity and demanding times as well as our capacity to truly enjoy the blessings of our lives without sabotaging what we could be thankful for is where we have the most power. Rather than attempting to control others and circumstances, which is major source of frustrations as well as a draining way to live ones life, we benefit from seeking that which brings us peace and joy by reframing our views of life and distinguishing the meaning we attribute to a situation and the bare bone facts of that same situation. What it amounts to is that we have far more say in what we choose to do about these circumstances and how we feel about them than we admit. A great place to get a better grasp of that idea is in Michael Neill’s “The Inside Out Revolution”. His book gives us many keys to Sydney Banks teachings in looking closely at the relevance of viewing from within our lives rather than seeking answers to our most intimate inquiries on the outside.
More insidiously and extremely powerful, when the source of stress is internal. Often referred to as the “chatter box” or “old tapes”, the nagging insecurity, visible or imperceptible lack of confidence will simply sap our joy and render our progression difficult to downright impossible. What is more crippling and exhausting than constantly second guessing ourselves? Feeling inadequate and self-conscious every step of the way amounts to enormous strain on our wellbeing.
In their work “Coming Home, Uncovering the Foundations of Psychological Well-being” Dr. Dicken Bettinger and Natasha Swerdloff write: “We can also experience insecurity as a feeling of stress or upset. It can take many forms such as fear, anger, or unhappiness. Often, if we stop and sense within, we can notice this tension somewhere. It can become a constant companion that we eventually acclimate to it and no longer pay attention to it until it becomes very strong in our experience.” And that is what is so damaging to us. The “tension” becomes imperceptible yet continuously takes a toll on our mental wellbeing. The chronic aspect of stress and long exposure to it will eventually harm us on a physical level. Having a healthy level of stress is more about managing stress rather than avoiding it. It is impossible to live a life devoid of stressors and challenges. Stressors are unavoidable and it would not be very stimulating. Also, denying how we feel does not make the discomfort disappear. It will only result in accumulating unprocessed emotions that will be triggered more intensely over time. As a side note, other feelings of stress can be exposed. Shame could definitely belong to the list made by Bettinger and Swerdloff. Brené Brown gathered years of research on the subject of shame. The author of “Healing the Shame that Binds You”, John Bradshaw, also describes at length the mechanisms and implications of shame.
Stress is a constant tension that we can notice within that leads many of us to depression (anger turned within) or to outbursts (anger expressed outwardly). Once again it can all be traced back to our thoughts. Our core beliefs, the accumulation of our experiences and the deduction we make contribute to generating a relentless flow of thoughts. That is where self-awareness plays a fundamental part in bringing us back to an authentic place of peace versus an artificial one where instead of working through our issues we only mask for a time their presence.
Accessing inner peace and overcoming internal stress is not simply a work of discovery, it is also a work of creation. The more we invest time in activities that contribute to our growth and self-actualization the more we feel confident and strong. Self-esteem increases doing estimable things. And there again, what you deem estimable will differ from what another thinks. Most importantly, once again, it is in the relationship we have with our thoughts that our power lies. In “Coming Home”, its authors tell us how Sydney Banks realizes a major breakthrough that had him overcome his own insecurity.”Syd realized that every bit of his feeling was created from thought (…) all of his insecurity and unhappiness was just a temporary thought creation. (…) and every one of us had the ability to wake up to the fact that our insecurity is just temporary Thought-created experience, an illusion. (…) It is not a permanent truth but only a transitory interpretation.” With practice we become better at distinguishing the interpretation from the fact. Finding our way out of the illusions we create, that cause chaos and stress, to the peace that is already present within, is the way home.
