The past couple of years, I looked into New Year’s resolutions. This year, as we enter the month of November, I came to ask myself what are the best ways to prepare myself ahead of time. It is easily done to just let myself get carried by the tumult of the season of celebrations. It is a strange time where, on the one hand I feel ready to hibernate, my energy level dwindles down and I aspire to go home as soon as I can to shelter myself from the cold and dark of the coming winter, while on the other hand I notice and sense the growing effervescence that surrounds me with the approach of Thanksgiving followed by Christmas and New Year’s Eve. In these times of celebration I feel all the more the distance from my family and I cannot imagine the degree of loneliness that some people may experience after recently losing a loved one. These times of family gathering are not simpler for those who will celebrate the holidays for it implies preparation, planning and means. Also, contending with family is not always easy. But I digress. My point is that while it is easy to be absorbed by the preparation of the holiday season or the attempt to avoid having anything to do with it, we can just as easily miss the mark towards gearing ourselves for the a brand new year.
I used to think it was a frivolous exercise to declare intentions under the form of new resolutions, to quit trying even before the first month has ended, but I am coming to see the value in this tradition. First of all, from what I am reading, I think a lot of the power of such tradition has been diluted over time to our loss. It is perfectly possible to go through an entire lifetime without introspection and reflection on oneself, blind and unaware, simply carried from one occurrence of life to the next. The exact opposite, consisting in torturing oneself every minute of every day, posing existentialist questions and feigning to have depth will not amount to more success in getting a grip on the meaningfulness of one’s life. In a way, I can see how staying tuned to such traditions offers a chance to pull away from the stream of every day life and grant us an opportunity to challenge what we have accomplished as well as reflect on how we can improve. In my humble opinion, nothing can surpass the determination of an authentic desire to become the best version of oneself. Setting the bar of our standards higher to encourage progress and embrace wholeheartedly a mission of self-actualization and realization for the greater good. I am not talking of saving the world. Perfecting all that can be in oneself and make a truly positive impact on others.
As we descend in the dark depth of winter, while nature slows down to come into a slumber, the weakest disappears and wastes away. Is it a chance to examine where we allow dead weight to burden us? How much lighter could we be by eliminating all that hinders our progress? What habits are no longer relevant to today? What beliefs are we holding on to excuse our lack of success? Where are we assigning blame instead of taking responsibility? What do we do in excess or too little of? What traits of our character do we have difficulties admitting to ourselves? Where is there dissatisfaction in our lives? Only by making the effort of taking inventory once in a while can we significantly take the reins of our own lives. There are many forms of this kind of exercise. It does not need to be done “perfectly” but it has to be repeated. Over time entropy and sloppiness infiltrate our best-kept space. Hygiene of the body is achieved via a series of daily actions; it would make sense that “hygiene of the mind” should be addressed with the application of somewhat regular actions.
What purpose is served by keeping a clear mind? In other words, what does clarity do for us? The two main reasons for a regular actualization of ourselves, made possible thanks to clarity, are that it gets us better prepared to face crisis and more available to respond to opportunities. Obviously, the more our lives are cluttered, literally or figuratively, the less efficient we are to intervene in times of need. Besides, we are certainly not well prepared to embrace new chapters. Let’s say that tomorrow your dream home comes on the market or the owner of your house decides to sell, if your house is a complete mess and you have accumulated a bunch of useless knick-knacks over decades, the whole enterprise of moving appears overwhelming if not impossible. Now, if your house if fairly in order, you have purged it regularly keeping only what you truly value, want and need, moving will occur to you as far more manageable.
What difference is there with our mental wellbeing? None really. By purging regularly our “mental closets”, challenging our thought processes, review the relevance of our habits; reevaluating our priorities and matching our actions to these priorities, we prepare for the worse as well as for the best. Beyond letting go of what is detrimental to us there is also a necessity to sacrifice some of what we want and like for the benefit of our future. It is only by investing as wisely as we can our resources of money, time and energy that we are likely to succeed. Naturally, screwing up our lives takes no effort whereas becoming a success, whatever success is for you, requires effort after effort with no guarantee of a pay off.. Without our participation and dedication success is impossible. Therefore, our resources have to be invested adequately to produce dividends.
Furthermore, allowing clutter to invade our physical and mental space drains our resources. This is one of the first places we explore with coaching clients. We help to identify the big and small drainers that cause friction and fatigue. This examination is all the more relevant that thanks to a slight change in perspective we can finally notice the behaviors, habits, patterns or objects that have become invisible over time because they feel like second nature. Questioning the relevance and utility of what we do by automatism can free tremendous amount of time and energy. You may have been doing something for years the same way. At the time you forge that habit it was relevant and efficient. Today, it may be costing you time, energy or even money when a small adjustment can be a true game changer. Maybe something very mundane is a minor upset but if this is causing you daily aggravation, however small, it still accumulates and can prove most rewarding to handle it once and for all.
Taking such inventory has to be conducted with honesty and objectivity. It is not an exercise in self-deprecation. Keep in mind that the objective is to be constructive in the long run. Discerning our own shortcomings requires some acute observation. Looking at what is not working very well in our lives we can easily come to the conclusion that external factors are the reason for our lack of accomplishment. Yet, a scrupulous investigation of one’s own responsibility, even if we truly played a minor part in the less than satisfactory situation, opens up new avenues for us to apply different actions or attitudes.
In order to bring about change and even to maintain a sense of harmony in one’s life we need to clear up our lives and prevent asphyxiating ourselves with clutter. Before attempting to bring novelty, making room for it, and adjusting for the change makes sense. Carrying out the same actions or keeping the same attitude towards resolving a problem annihilates any chances for success. Stagnation is not an option for ultimately we slide backward. It is only by continuously reinventing ourselves that we can avoid some suffering and achieve fulfillment. Using the transition from a year to another is just as good of a reminder system as any other. Plus, it is an opportunity to acquire support and set up some accountability by declaring to others our intentions, taking actions, and delivering the results. Let us gear into a new year as unburdened as possible before we decide how we can leverage our resources to move forward and reach higher.
